Grounded

I don't know for how long, but I can't post a blog for awhile.
Leave it.

Fuck Love.

Yup, exactly.

Love.

Hmm...it's been awhile.
Well, sorta.

I now have a boyfriend. His name is Adam. He's really nice and sweet and amazing.
The past few days have been pretty sweet. I hung out with someone that I haven't hung out with in like forever. And then we prettty much had like 4673218964 laughs the whole time. It was basically cause I was acting like a retard, but what else is new. I had a few awesome nights hanging out with Danielle. We had soooo much fucking fun. Ah. And tomorrow I'm supposed to go to the movies and hang out with Adam. It'll be pretty fun. I can't wait.

It's really late. That's pretty much whats been going on. I'll elaborate more another time cause I'm tired as hell. <33

About Me.

Here's what you need to know about me, if you'd like to know.

I was born on May 20, 1992 at Baystate Hospital. My father has never been around for most of my life. I went 8 years without speaking to him and then I finally called my Grandmother and asked her where he was. I don't have like major hobbies, except for reading and writing i pretty much just chill with people and yes, i do smoke weed. I've never broken anything. I had a seizure when I was little watching the old willy wonka and the chocolate factory movie. My Grandfather, Uncle, and Great-Grandmother all died when I was younger and they were all very close to me. I don't get along with my mom sometimes. It's really frustrating. I have a few close friends, and alot more acquaintances. I want to keep all my old friends. I've moved at least 10 times in my life. I've lived in Agawam for about 5 years now tho, which is the longest I've stayed in one place. I guess you could say I really like change. I have my ears gauged. I don't want really huge ones though. The biggest I'd go is probably a 2, maybe a 0. I like to speak my mind and I tell everyone how I feel, so if you don't want to know the truth then back off. I like having fun and I can't sit still. A part of me is always moving. I have a.d.d. and my friend told me that I have laughing tourettes, because I randomly burst out laughing alot. I've gotten into fights with my friends because I can't stand hanging out with people who aren't somewhat like me. I don't know if I've ever been in love. I've basically chose the asshole boyfriends all my life. Music best describes how I'm feeling. I like the simple things in life. I am a virgin. I'm waiting for the right guy that I know won't screw me over. I switch topics frequently in my writing. I like to take walks. I have a hard time talking on the phone sometimes. I LOVE feeling like I'm doing something dangerous. I can't wait til I graduate. I want to travel the world. I hate feet. I tend to get very emotional at times. About two years ago I caught my kitchen on fire. I'm a slight pyro. I also drink. I have a hard time paying attention. I have a horrible memory problem, sometimes I can't remember what I wear during the week. I'm cold alot of the time. I had my arm pulled out of my socket when I was 4. I'm simple and crazy. I freak out at random moments. I love making people laugh and I do it by acting retarded =]. I can never talk without saying the wrong thing. I'm down on myself alot. I'm never really sad. I hate when people are sad around me. I don't like having people mad at me. I love the smell of gasoline. My mom kicked me out of my house last year. I kicked a hole in the wall, I'm looking at it right now. I was almost sent to juvy. I live my life on the edge [literally]. I have a habit of biting my nails. I'm pretty short I think, cause in school so many people are taller than me. I just want a nice guy in my life. I have ocd. I change things alot. I don't change for anyone. I've finally learned that being myself is the best thing I can do. When you first meet me you'll either think I'm super shy or you'll think I'm off the wall crazy. Most of the time it's crazy. I have a hard time understanding things. I'm a visual learner. I have an abusive step-father. I hate him. I'm just trying to live it up and have as much fun as I can while I'm still young.

If you wanna know anything else, just ask :]

Getting Older.

Wow.
I just noticed how much everyone I know has grown up.
It's so weird.
It feels like time has flown by.
For some odd reason I feel like crying.
I miss being a little kid.
But yet, I'm happy to grow up and start life. Not saying that I didn't start life the day I was born.
I just don't want to lose any of my friends in the process. I've been through that and it's terrible.
Well this is short. <3

Living to the fullest.

Okay, so vacation pretty much started yesterday, I want to find something to do. ANYONE WANT TO MAKE PLANS? hehe.

This isn't about vacation.

Why are people so......boring or stuck-up as you could say? I DON'T LIKE IT. I myself like to have fun, and I think that everyone should have fun in the process of living their lives. If you never have fun well then you suck. Nah just kidding. But, you should do something once in a while to have FUN. I do anything to make people laugh. I even run around like I have mental issues just to make my friends laugh. What a nice person I am. Willing to run around screaming "The People In My Head Won't SHUTUP" and getting looks from people who seriously have no idea. EVERYONE should live their life, once in a while. Even if it means doing something that not many people think is fun but you do.

[wow, that was pretty stupid to talk about]


Well, something else.

Why do they say America is such a "free" country? I mean I'm not complaining or anything because if you look at other places in the world, there's no nothing. But, they label us as a free country because people are better off here than in other places of the world. Even though our country isn't really free you could say, people have more rights here and more liberty. But there are many problems, such as racism. Yes, I hate to admit it, but there is still racism in this country. I mean yes, with peoples colors and backgrounds, but also with their beliefs and ways of life. EVERYONE IS THE SAME. Just because somebody has darker skin than you, doesn't mean they can't work up to your ability, or better! Just because somebody is Jewish, doesn't mean they think differently than everyone else. They have different beliefs and a different God and they have different backgrounds or cultures. Our country is trying to bring everyone together basically. Why else would they tell people from Asia that they could have more rights and freedom here? Because our country is one HUGE melting pot. I LOVE IT. I mean we have laws, but we also have our liberties. Everything isn't "free" and people do get in trouble, but they are doing that so the country isn't one crazy place. People need order, they need to have limits. I mean I live down the street from a child molester or two. And don't you think with children going out to play and running around that the parents are scares their children won't come home? People such as the child molesters should have more punishment and they should be locked up in some sort of place where other people like them are. They aren't learning not to do something when they live right next door to a family with two children and yes, the parents could be warned about him but, does that make it equally right? He can still go outside and all that and grab a kid and take it.
Last year, A family moved in next door to me right when my family was moving in. And one day they had to move out. After they moved out, guess who came to our house? The POLICE. Want to know why? Because the father in that famile was a child rapist. Nobody in my family ever talked to them, but they were. And they moved to a totally different neighborhood in my town before moving somewhere out of the town. BUT they had move to a totally different neighborhood with totally different children. WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT? Well, that's how the government deals with it. I know I don't like it. Something should be done about it. But I'm only one person, and to top that off, I'm also underage. If only more people who had the courage and the brains to do something then we'd get somewhere.

Well, I'm probably going to start repeating myself, so I'll leave it at that.

Another Day..

Mhmmm.

I feel like adding some poetry in this.

Another Day

Another day goes by

And yet; you're the only one that I'm thinking about.

Another week goes by

And now; you're all I dream about.

Another month goes by

And; I've consumed myself in you.

Another year goes by

And; I'm tyring to forget the heartbreak you put me through.

I just thought of that off the top of my little old head. Hahaha.

I tend to write my poetry about heartbreak or losing somebody. It's cause I better describe those times through writing and not spoken words.

I have trouble with keeping my feelings to myself. It's hard for me because I want people to know how I feel and I want to know how they feel, even if it isn't the same.

I like to get what I feel out, even if it gets me in deep shit or turns out good, which most of the time it doesn't. But, I'm learning to accept that. One very nice guy told me that it's a good quality to have [letting my feelings out] so, I'm not going to stop, I'm just going to be careful with whom I let them out to.

I just got home from babysitting and I'm terribly tired, so I'm off to bed.

I will try and write more tomorrow <33

The 14th of February.

Well, to start off my entry for today, I would like to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day! <3
Hmm..Do you wonder why this day was created? I mean it's supposed to be filled with love and joy, but for others it's filled with heartbreak and missing the ones you wish you had.
I bet you're wondering which of those I am....well, I myself am not quite sure of it.
I don't really have a problem with this day, I think it was created to get people to buy chocolate, not that I'm complaining or anything, I do like chocolate every once in a while, but the businesses are just profiting off of people buying expensive gifts for the one they love, when all you need to do is wake up that morning and look that person in the eye and tell them you love them. A hug, kiss, or just a full day of sitting around being lovey-dovey is what I would want. But, I'm one of those simple people. I would rather do that than have somebody buy me a diamond necklace or something like that.

I know a few of you may know what love is, but others just say it because their boyfriend or girlfriend says it. So, I'm advising that only say "i love you" when you actually mean it. I have said it a few times in my life. I've meant it though. About 99% of the time I mean what i say, love is part of that 99%. I can be one of those people that joke around alot, but I can be serious and people don't understand it sometimes. Do you get frustrated when people don't take you seriously? Most of the time my mother doesn't take me seriously. It makes me quite mad. But I want everyone to take me seriously, even though sometimes it's difficult to.
Right now I'm trying to stick to one topic and I've run out.

Well, I am very happy that it snowed, sorta. We got our FIRST snow day this year. It makes me quite happy. I LOVE THE SNOW. I don't ever want it to go away. lol.
My head is hurting me right now, so it's difficult to get out what i want to say.

The Beginning.

Right at this moment, I am sitting in my basment freezing my butt off.
Why you may ask?
Well, for starters, i have decided to create a blog [can't you tell?].
And this here blog is for my views on everything that is going on in the world, and has gone on.

History is REPEATING itself.
In my English class, we just finished reading Night By Elie Wiesel [I finished it long before my class did, I can't stand reading at a slow pace.] Well, I'm hoping that most of you have heard of this book, and if you haven't i deeply suggest you go out and purchase it. It really changed my views on the Holocaust. Before I just thought that Hitler was some stuck up German [I'm insulting myself right there, as I am part German] who wanted to erase the Jewish people because he could do that. But, now i realize many different things about this so-called Hitler. HE WAS A HYPOCRIT. Hitler had Jewish roots. People in his fmaily were Jewish. And, not only that, but he didn't meet the standards of who he was trying to put off as a "perfect" person. The perfect person in his eyes was a tall, muscular, BLONDE, blue-eyed, pure German. WELL guess who didn't meet those standards? HITLER HIMSELF. He was erasing a group of people that he was a part of. And nobody realized it. What is so wrong about being Jewish or having dark hair? Why didn't anyone ask Hitler himself that? Because people in the world were cowards. He went on a spree of murdering millions of people and nobody seemed to care.

Now, as I said above, history is reapeating itself.
WELL, have you all read about the women and children in Darfur?
They are getting killed, raped, tortured, etc.
And is anyone trying to stop it? I DON'T THINK SO!
Everybody is more concerned about the fucking war in the Middle East. Which is pretty stupid, if you ask me. Our country is wasting millions on a war that has no purpose except to kill Americans and everyone else. George Bush is just being a retard and trying to make himself look good. Well sorry Bush, but if i was of voting age I would have never voted for you even if i was paid $10,000,000.
I may sound like such a hippie, but i want some peace. All this world ever does is fight, and pollute. Yup, I hate pollution too. I don't want to be around here when the winter is now the temperature of the summer we have now and the summer feels like you're in a microwave.
[ Excuse my switching topics so frequently, I have a lot to say, but I'll probably just write this all in separate blogs sometime.]

For the people who are reading this and know who I am and wonder how I'm so quiet in school, and yet have so much to say outside of it. Well I would rather go through my school year being known as the quiet one than to be known as some psycho chick who thinks the whole world is messed up.

I have a bad memory problem, so hopefully I'll remember to keep posting blogs.

Thanks for taking you're time and reading. <3